


My Christmas Tree's Delicious

by MarcellaBianca



Series: Ignore the Story and See the Soul [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Broadway, Broadway References, Bucky Barnes Feels, Burlesque, Dom/sub Undertones, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Katya Zamolodchikova - Freeform, M/M, Rough Sex, So many inside Drag Race jokes, Strip Tease, Top Steve Rogers, an excuse to write about Bucky Barnes in a Burlesque Show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-26 18:57:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10792764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarcellaBianca/pseuds/MarcellaBianca
Summary: Bucky gets invited back to Broadway Bares, this time for the Winter Burlesque show, and this time, Steve's along for the ride...and let's just say Steve's a big, big fan.





	1. The Only Place You'll Wanna Be...

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Broadway Bares, a biannual event where Broadway actors, dancers, and New York celebrities get together and get naked (or almost naked) to raise money for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. They also have lots of other fundraisers, but this one is enormous, and they always have drag queens and tons of gay icons to cause a ruckus. Lots of naked people! And I wanted to get Bucky into it.

_James,_

_We had such a fantastic time with you at Broadway Bares 25 in 2015. This year, we are bringing back our holiday burlesque. The theme for Broadway Bares Winter Burlesque 2017 is Dance Dance Revolution. Not the arcade game – we’ll be exploring the concept of Dance bringing everyone together in a community of love and unification._

_We’d like to extend you a formal invitation to participate is Broadway Bares’s 2017 Winter Burlesque. We look forward to your response!_

_Hank Pym, CEO - Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS_

Bucky stares at the email on his phone for a good ten, fifteen seconds. Then he calls Nat, who promptly bursts out with a high-impact squeal that nearly shatters his eardrums. “Warn me before you do that, okay?!” 

“I’m sorry, I’m so excited,” Nat apologizes. “You have to do it, you know. It’ll be awesome.”

“Oh, I want to. It’s such a fun night. I had an amazing time last time. But you think Steve will be okay with it?” 

“If he isn’t okay with it, fuck him.” 

“Nat.” 

“No, seriously. He’s been nothing but supportive of every single thing you’ve done since you’ve been together. I’m sure he’ll absolutely love it. I mean, it’s watching you dance half naked on stage. The dream come true.” Nat’s voice is full of mischief. “I insist on doing your face makeup again.” Broadway Bares has body painters who come in and spray everyone down with glitter and shiny paint, but Natasha has a cosmetology degree so Bucky trusts her with his face paint.

“As long as you don’t do that weird peacock thing with my eyelashes.” Nat had glued feathers to Bucky’s eyes in lieu of falsies; it looked gorgeous, but Bucky had gotten a rash from the track glue. 

“The theme is dance as revolution, plus like, the holiday thing,” he says then, mind already swirling with possibilities. Gold glitter. Maybe a lipsync to a fun Christmas song? Something to show off his humor and flexibility. As long as he’s not a fucking bird like last time. 

“Hon, I can hear how hard you’re thinking,” Nat says. “Just tell him, I’m sure he’ll absolutely love it.”

 

* * *

 

It’s not that funny,” Bucky says, slightly insulted, as Steve finally comes down from two straight minutes of bed-shaking laughter. Bucky had gotten through an entire dinner and a freezing cold walk with Sarge before spilling the beans after three episodes of _Unbreakable Kimmie Schmidt._  

“Oh, I’m mostly laughing at the way you asked.” Steve wheezes a little bit, and Bucky feels his heart flip. Steve’s asthma has always been a quiet fear for him – what if this is the time the steroids don’t work? – but this time Steve breathes easy after a few deep sucks on his inhaler as Bucky carefully rubs his back. When he’s got a handle on his lungs, Steve folds Bucky into his arms, kissing the top of his head when he’s got Bucky in a good cradle. “You looked like you were about to, like, tell me you were pregnant or something.”

“And people trust you with their health,” Bucky grumbles, but he can’t help smiling at the idea of he and Steve adopting kids someday. They’ve talked about it a little bit, but not in any detail. One day.

“You’ll come if I do it, right?” he asks, softly, nuzzling the fabric of Steve’s sleep shirt. Feels the rumble of Steve’s deep, comforting laugh. “Of course I will! I want to support a good cause. And I’m pretty sure it’ll be quite a sight.” 

“Yeah…last time I did it the theme was Best of Broadway and they made me dress like a Bird of Paradise peacock thing.” 

That sends Steve into another round of laughter that only subsides when Bucky throws his weight on top of his boyfriend and shuts him up with a deep kiss. 

 

* * *

 

 

“What’s the plan?” 

Bucky stands with Remy LeBeau, one of the principle dancers in _Kinky Boots_ and a rather well known drag queen in Manhattan, while Hank Pym scrutinizes the two of them from across the dance studio. “I’m up for anything, you know that,” Bucky continues. Remy smirks. “Same here.” 

“Okay. I’m thinking you guys do some ballet first, show off some of your athleticism. Maybe a pas de deux of some sort?” 

“Sounds fun,” Remy drawls in his thick Cajun accent. “I haven’t partnered with a guy in a while.” 

Bucky raises an eyebrow. 

“In a _dance routine_ , you shady bitch,” Remy laughs. Bucky cackles. Hank’s eyes twinkle. “Oh, you two are going to be fun.” He kicks back in his chair. “Maybe some classical work that turns into something a bit more freestyle?” 

“Yeah, I’m all about it.” Remy flashes blinding white teeth. A thrill zips down Bucky’s spine; he’s tried to catch up on his ballet training after the knee injury, but he hasn’t gotten a change to perform in public. 

They spend the rest of the day coming up with a routine that Bucky cannot _wait_ to perform. It’s sexy, a little stupid, and totally fun.

 

* * *

 

“Are they going to have you in drag?”

“Nah. Remy’s gonna handle that. He’s better in high heels than me.” Bucky’s so hungry he practically knocks Steve out of the way to get his Chop’t salad when it comes up on the conveyor belt. “It’s not too long of a routine but it packs a wallop. Plus they want to showcase me in a whole number with just one other person, for some insane reason.” 

“I’m positive there’s a damn good reason.” Steve’s eyes are so full of love and encouragement it makes most of Bucky’s concerns about the whole event slide away like rain on a window. “You won’t mind watching it, though?” he has to ask. “The dance is…well. It’s pretty sexy. It’s burlesque, after all.” 

“Despite how innocent I look, I actually know what burlesque is. And I am _very_ excited to see my boyfriend do a burlesque show in various stages of undress.” Steve waggles his eyebrows. Bucky loves this man so much. 

“You probably know a few of the dancers. They do lots of cross-training.” 

“Wouldn’t be surprised,” Steve agrees. “I think I’ve had some Broadway people in my box before. I can always tell because their toes-to-bar are insane.” 

“Well, duh,” Bucky says around a mouthful of quinoa. “They have no hamstrings.” 

“Speak for yourself, Stretch Armstrong.” 

“You love it.” 

“Fuck yeah I do,” Steve replies, his voice pitched almost to a growl, and Bucky has to shovel two pieces of sweet potato into his mouth to keep himself from saying something unconscionably filthy in public. 

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks later Bucky’s checking his email when he gets an alert from Remy. 

_They got Katya!_

Bucky screams so loud Sarge starts to bark like his owner is being murdered. 

Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova, also known as "Katya," is one of the biggest stars to come out of  _RuPaul's Drag Race._ She's brilliant, beautiful, and absolutely filthy. Bucky's fangirled over her for years. And now he'll be in the same room as the Sweatiest Woman in Show Business.

 _NAT_  
KATYA IS GOING TO BE THERE  
SHE’S PERFORMING

_Tasha: OMMMMMMMMGGGGGG_

**_gif of Monica Gellar saying I KNOW_ **

 

* * *

 

 

“Who?”

“Oh my God, Steve, you haven’t watched _RuPaul's D_ _rag Race_?” 

Steve just offers a half shrug. “Wasn’t my thing. But I’m sure it’s great.” 

“Yes. Yes it is. It’s the best thing ever.” 

Steve goes a little pink around the ears. “Can’t be. It’s not you.”

“…Oh, fuck, babe,” Bucky practically swoons. “You’re fucking perfect, you know that?” 

“I’ve been told.” 

Bucky kisses Steve’s cheek, letting his lips linger there a little bit. “Imagine if Rich Froning came into your box. That is how big this is.” 

“ _Damn_.” 

“Exactly.”

 

* * *

 

 

They don’t have long to throw together the routine, but Bucky and Remy manage to cobble together a hilarious, sexy routine. Remy’s got holiday drag all set already from his Christmas shows, and all Bucky needs to buy is gold underwear. As for the rest of him –

“So it’s like, you’re the star on the tree or something?” 

Sharon, Sam, and Maria watch with intense interest as Natasha adds more glitter to Bucky’s temple. 

“Yeah,” Bucky replies to Sharon. “Remy’s the Christmas tree, I’m the star on top. Get it?” 

Maria giggles. “I’m so excited. We haven’t seen you dance in forever. And Steve’s only seen you dance a little bit!” 

“Yeah…it’s going to be interesting.” 

“Stop talking!” Natasha admonishes, picking up a crystal that fell from Bucky’s forehead. “Your makeup is going to crack if you don’t let it set. Just a little bit more and you can head over to the body paint area.” 

“what else are you wearing?” Sam asks. Sharon elbows him when his eyes drift over to the rows of barely clothed female dancers getting everything from pasties to g-strings applied by their dresses. 

“Not much,” Bucky laughs. “Gold speedo, that’s about it?” 

“Oh lord. I’m gonna be blind by the end of the night.”

“I’d prefer if you kept your eyes shut the entire time, babe,” Sharon gently ribs him. 

“I’m gonna have some costume requests, though,” Sam says. “For, you know –“ 

“Okay, okay, we get it,” Nat laughs. She gives a slap to Bucky’s ass. “Go get painted.”

Bucky gives himself a onceover before he heads away from the group. His hair is pulled back tight in a low bun, but that will get shaken loose once the freestyle part of the dance begins. It’s streaked with gold, so when he pulls it out of the elastic it’ll spray glitter on the audience. On his face Nat has applied careful layers of gold highlighter, shadow, and contour, and some of gems gleam on the high points of his cheeks and temples. The whole thing is topped off by so much glitter Bucky’s probably going to be picking it out of his sheets for weeks. 

He manages to make it to the paint area in time to see Remy get finished up. The other man is dressed in a spangled green leotard covered with glitter and ornaments, and his face is painted up in classical Christmas fish. Already pretty tall, he’s practically statueseque in thigh high gold boots. But the most impressive part of the whole outfit is how tight Remy’s tuck is.

Remy immediately spots the way Bucky’s eyes flick to his crotch, and he lets out a throaty, delicious laugh. “Duct tape and a prayer, _cher_.”

“Damn, that’s commitment,” Bucky breathes. He lets Remy go back to his station with an airkiss (Nat would kill him if he messed up her makeup job) and strips off his sweatpants. Let the painting begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](http://marciellaniello.tumblr.com) for massive wailing about super soldiers in love.


	2. Is Underneath My Christmas Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky performs, Steve gets hot, they fuck. The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the dumbest thing I've ever written and I hope it makes you laugh a little.

_Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova_

_But your Dad just calls me –_

“KATYA!” the crowd screams. 

Katya is as always hilarious, sexy, and limber as hell. She leaps into a full split at the crescendo of the rap, yelling the lyrics with guttural bravado. 

 _Because it’s me who’s getting laid, and I’m always getting paid  
_ _The only high class Russian whore  
_ _I’m a scorching hot mess in a skin tight dress  
_ _That’s a rash, not a herpes sore!_  

Bucky cracks up from the green room. They go on shortly after Katya’s done. Remy, wrapped up in a dressing gown next to him, grins. “She’s fucking amazing. If I weren’t with the husband I’d hit it hard.” 

Bucky flashes back to the pre-show, when Katya had walked up to him and Remy and said, “Is it okay if I grab you by the balls at some point? I’m pretty sure your bodies are going to give me a boner that could pulverize a diamond.” While the thought of getting fondled by one of the world’s most popular drag queens would have given Bucky the vapors a few years ago, he’s pretty sure he couldn’t do that to Steve now. So he just shakes his head, while Remy shrugs. “I’ve been married for ten years. Grab away.” 

“In or out of drag?” 

“Depends,” Remy chuckles. “I’m pretty sure this leotard would be hell to fuck in.” 

“Eh, I don’t know. Did Hank tell you about the routine I did last time?” 

“Are you kidding? That thing is famous.”

“Ugh,” Bucky groans. He doesn’t necessarily regret that night; he’d performed to Katy Perry’s “Peacock” and had gone home with one of the other dancers. It’d taken him weeks to scrub off all the blue paint. 

“Hello Broadway Bares,” Katya screams into the mic. The crowd goes bananas. “I am a biological human woman! Now, I want you all to know that tonight, we are going to all get a little uncomfortably close to each other.” She looks over at her backup dancers, a gaggle of men in black, glittery speedos. “I’m going to get very uncomfortably close to all of these dancers, and all of you are going to have to deal with it.” 

She runs through her novelty number, a spoof on "Twelve Days of Christmas," while Bucky and Remy sing along backstage with the other performers. By the time they get to the part when Katya says “Herpes,” the crowd screams it so loud it makes Bucky burst out laughing again. 

It’s over far too quick, and it’s time for their dance. Bucky nudges Remy. “You ready?” 

“Let’s do this,” Remy replies.

 

* * *

 

The number begins with a soft, sweet rendition of “Deck the Halls.” Bucky and Remy, dressed in beautiful matching Christmas robes (red for Bucky, green for Remy), enter to a mostly bare stage decked out with sparkling snowmen and giant ornaments off to the sides. As Bucky and Remy begin the dance, Bucky feels that old whirlwind of emotion kick through him. God, he’s missed this. Missed the power, the electric thrum pulsing through his veins as he dances with Remy. 

One of these days, he’s going to dance with Steve like this, in a club or even in the privacy of one of their homes. Steve’s joked a few times that he’s wanted to try the lift from _Dirty Dancing_. Bucky needs it like air. Needs Steve. 

The dance isn’t very complicated. A few classic pas de deux moves and lifts, and Bucky’s partnering skills have lost none of their precision in the years since he retired from professional dancing. It helps to have an amazing partner in Remy, who makes the robes they wear look like gossamer with his extension and grace. 

The song peters off once the third verse wraps up. Bucky and Remy head to the steps to finish off the first half of the number. They hit their ending pose with flair, to a good amount of applause from the audience. _Wait until they hear this,_ Bucky thinks with a barely hidden, wolfish grin that is clearly reflected on Remy’s face as the music shifts. 

The crowd noise turns from polite recognition to a full-tilt roar when the beat of the next song drops, and Bucky and Remy drop their robes to reveal their costumes. Remy in his skintight Christmas tree leotard with a festoon of Christmas lights around his waist, Bucky in his gold speedo and paint and glitter. They look at each other and twist their hips slowly, in unison, as the song builds momentum to the first verse. 

 _Ready?_ Remy mouths. Bucky nods.

 

* * *

It’s not like Steve’s never seen Bucky dance. There was that show he put on during the photoshoot last year, plus a couple visits to clubs. But Steve’s never seen Bucky dance like _this._

“So incredible, right?” Natasha yells. “He was on his way to becoming a principal at twenty. That’s really rare at City.” 

Steve can tell. Truth, he knows shit about classical dancing, but it’s absolutely gorgeous to watch Bucky spin, leap, and assist his dance partner. 

When the music shifts to Lady GaGa’s “Christmas Tree,” Steve groans. “Oh, no!” he shouts to Nat and Sharon. “This song is awful!” 

“That’s not the point, you idiot,” Sharon laughs, and waves her hands to the stage to get Steve’s attention back to where it belongs.

The robe slides off Bucky to reveal his gold, foiled body, lithe and lean, dressed in nothing but a gold Speedo and ballet shoes, and Steve can’t breathe. Can’t think. Can’t do anything but stare as Bucky and his dance partner – dressed in a leotard with Christmas ornaments hanging off it – whip around, drop down, and point to the audience, as Lady GaGa croons –

_Light me up, put me on top  
_ _Let’s fa la la la la, la la la la  
_ _Light me up, put me on top  
_ _Let’s fa la la la la la la la la_

_The only place you’ll wanna be  
_ _Is underneath my Christmas tree  
_ _The only place you’ll wanna be  
_ _Is underneath my Christmas tree_

For the next two and a half minutes he watches his boyfriend grind, twist, twerk, and do everything but fuck the gorgeous drag queen he’s partnered with. In the background, dancers smeared with glitter hang off the sides of the stage, intermittently thrusting in time with the music. 

_Ho, Ho, Ho  
_ _Under the mistletoe  
_ _Yes, everybody knows  
_ _We will take off our clothes  
_ _Yes if you want us to we will  
_ _Oh, oh, Christmas  
_ _My Christmas tree’s delicious_

It’s the most frustrating and infuriating two minutes of Steve’s life. Frustrating because he has to keep turning away from Nat, Sharon, and Maria so they won’t see how hard he’s getting. Infuriating, because though he trusts Bucky with his entire heart and would never think anything was going on between him and this other guy (who Steve has to admit is _gorgeous_ ), but he can’t help it. There’s a hair trigger in him, one put there with everything that happened with Peggy. The love Steve has for Peggy outstrips what Steve felt for Pegs, and everything is fine between Peggy and Steve now, but still. Still. Burning beside that love for Bucky is a hunger to show Bucky exactly who he’s going home with tonight.

At one point, the ‘tree’ queen gets in front of Bucky and leans over, allowing Bucky to mime pounding him from behind. The crowd screeches with delight. Bucky grinds his crotch against the guy’s ass and Steve wants to look away, but before he can, Bucky’s eyes lock with his.

Any thought of annoyance or insecurity gets blowtorched away. Bucky’s eyes aren’t taunting. They aren’t cruel. They aren’t even teasing, really. It’s as if this ridiculous character he’s putting on for the routine peels away from his face, and Bucky’s eyes, a flash of silver within the gold paint and glitter and gems, say _I’m yours. I’m all yours. I’m yours._

Bucky fucking bites his lip, and Steve wants nothing else but to get the hell out of this ballroom, back to one of their apartments in Brooklyn, pin Bucky against the sheets and wreck him. 

* * *

 

Bucky and Remy finish their routine after Remy kicks up into an upside down hold in Bucky's arms and splits his legs, to wild applause. Bucky grins. Adrenaline pulses through him, the thrill of live performance. After he dismounts Remy presses a kiss to Bucky's cheek, a stain of red amongst the gold.

Katya heads back onstage and slaps Remy’s ass. “That make me feel fucking religious!” she yells, and the crowd roars in assent. “How gorgeous are these two, I’m sure they got a ton of money for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. Let’s keep partying, okay?!” Christina Aguilera’s “Desnudate” comes on, and Bucky enjoys a few minutes of dirty dancing with both Katya and Remy before he runs offstage to take the eyelashes off before they legit set his eyeballs on fire.

“That guy you were looking at – that your man?” Remy speaks up from behind him. The question is chased by a loud groan as the queen untucks, peeling duct tape off his crotch. Bucky winces at the sound. “Yeah. That was him. His name’s Steve.”

“Well, God damn, _cher_. He’s gonna eat you alive later.”

“We can only hope!” Bucky pats Remy on the arm. “You’re amazing. Let me know if you’ve got any tickets hanging around for your show, Steve and I would love to go.” 

“Yes!” Remy crows. “Just let me know!” 

This is another thing Bucky misses about dance – the camaraderie between all of the dancers, no matter their position in their respective companies. Everyone respects each other for the job they do, which is strenuous and compromising.

The entire day has been absolutely amazing. Especially when he got to make eye contact with Steve. Probably the luckiest damn part of the evening. The room had drilled down to just the two of them. No one else in the world. 

 

* * *

 

When he manages to peel himself away from the laughing, chatting crowds backstage to scrub the paint off his body and look for Steve, Bucky is surprised to see his boyfriend lounging alone next to the ballroom’s exit. “Where’re the girls?” 

“They had to split. Sam wanted to get some drinks down at Howl before they closed up.” Steve’s got a weird look on his face. 

“Everything okay? Did you like the dance?” Suddenly Bucky wonders if he made a horrible miscalculation. Maybe Steve didn’t like it at all. Maybe he’s furious. Maybe- 

“Like it?” Steve responds, and his voice is a growl that nearly makes Bucky sway on the spot. “I’m pretty sure you know how I feel about it. If you don’t…well.” His eyes bore into Bucky’s. “We’ll just have to find out when I get you back to my place, huh?” 

Bucky didn’t misjudge this at _all_.

 

* * *

 

They take a cab because Bucky is not going to be on the subway looking like an Oscars statuette – thankfully the traffic isn’t too bad, and it doesn’t take too long for them to get to Steve’s place.

Bucky managed to get the paint off him after the show, but the glitter is still there, all over his face and body. “I should probably take a shower – oomph!” he cries, because when they get into Steve’s apartment Steve immediately slams him up against the hallway wall. “Uh, yes?” he wheezes.

“You think you’re so smart, eh?” Steve’s voice is sandpaper-rough. He pushes his index finger up against Bucky’s mouth. Bucky resists the urge to bite it. Instead, he presses soft kisses on it. “Did I make you upset?” 

“You made me a lot of things.” Steve pushes his hips against Bucky’s, trapping him tight between Steve and the wall. 

“Yeah?” Bucky squeezes a hand between their bodies, slips it into Steve’s pants. 

“Yep.” Steve slides his fingers through Bucky’s hair, sending a current through Bucky’s entire body. He physically melts a little, and Steve chuckles. “You like it when I pull your hair, don’t you?” 

“You know I do,” Bucky murmurs. He grabs Steve’s ass with the hand shoved in the jeans. “You gonna punish me for dancing with someone else?” 

Steve’s eyes go achingly soft. “Oh, baby…no.” He kisses Bucky’s forehead. “Not going to punish you. Just…seeing you with that other guy…” blue-storm eyes go dark and hazy again. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard, baby.” 

“Good. That was kind of the idea.” Bucky smirks, but it’s quickly wiped away when Steve crushes his mouth against his. As they kiss their hands make short work of their clothing; they can’t fuck out here – no lube or condoms – but they can do a hell of a lot. It's eventually going to end with Steve's dick in Bucky's ass, that much is certain.

Once Bucky’s got his cock out he manages to align it with Steve’s, using the push of Steve’s hips to grind their sensitive flesh together. The noises that come out of Steve’s mouth makes him even harder than he ever thought possible. “Fuck, Steve,” he murmurs into Steve’s mouth, “You like that? Like me dancing for you? It was for you, you know?” He grins as Steve’s eyes go slightly glassy at the contact and the talk. “You kept looking at me…looking like you wanted to fuck me into the wall…I want you to make me yours...” 

“You were so sexy,” Steve sighs. Part of Bucky is keenly aware Steve’s naked chest is slowly getting rubbed raw by the glitter still sticking to him, but Steve doesn’t seem to give a shit, and with the way his precome is slowly drooling all over Bucky’s cock, he doesn’t want Bucky to stop in the slightest.

“I want you to fuck me so hard I can’t sit down tomorrow. Make me remember I belong to you," he hums, sucking down on Steve’s lower lip. Steve growls in agreement, and picks Bucky up like a fucking blushing bride. Bucky howls with laughter all the way to the bedroom.

 

* * *

 

“Harder – please – fuck -“ Bucky gasps, as Steve tilts his hips so that glorious thick cock pushes up against his prostate. Bucky's on his knees, holding on to the headboard so tight he’s almost worried he’ll break it but every slam of Steve’s dick chases logical thought right out of his brain. His head is smashed into the sheets, and his own cock is drooling all over Steve’s nice sheets – an appropriate punishment for what Steve’s doing to his body right now. Light shows play behind his eyes every time Steve thrusts, but then the movements get torturously slow. “I hate you so much,” Bucky sobs, consumed with wanting. Steve doesn’t respond with words, just pulls out and pushes back in with exactness. He leans forward, sinks his teeth into Bucky’s shoulder, and the world goes white.

 

* * *

 

When he comes to, Bucky’s in Steve’s arms, and Steve’s sort of petting his hair and murmuring nonsense to him to get him snapped out of it. Bucky manages to raise an eyebrow. “Well. You fucked me into a coma. Congrats.”

“I was getting a little worried there,” Steve laughs, shakily, before kissing Bucky’s brow. “I didn’t go too nuts there, did I?”

“You went nuts, but the right kind of nuts,” Bucky says, suddenly exhausted. “I’m guessing you really, really liked the dance.” 

“Loved it.” Steve smiles, and it lights Bucky up all over. “I felt like the luckiest person in the entire world.”

“Yeah?” Bucky lifts his head up to meet Steve’s gaze. “How come?”

“Because you were dancing like that, on that stage, and I knew that you were coming home with me.” Steve goes pink around the ears, and Bucky throws his arms tight around his boyfriend's neck. “I love you so, so much,” he breathes.

“I love you too,” Steve whispers. “So much.”

There's a slight pause for snuggling before Bucky speaks again, noticing he isn't feeling the crusty evidence of a thorough fucking on his chest and ass. "When did you clean up?"

"When you were...still out of it? I also got some water and chocolate chip cookies from the fridge."

"You are the perfect man."

 

* * *

 

“Bucky.”

“Hey babe, what’s up?”

Sam has been making fun of me all day. That glitter is never coming off, is it?” 

“Well, they don’t call it glitter herpes for nothing. Is it really bad?” 

“Yeah. I look like I got punched by a disco ball. It's been two days. When does it come off?" 

“How do you think I feel?!” Bucky cackles. “I wasthe disco ball.” 

“You just better hope that stuff comes out of my sheets.” 

“Well, considering the stuff you’ve had to wash out of it before…” 

“Buck.” 

“I only speak the truth!” 

“Yeah…I know.” 

“It’s all worth it, right?” 

“Totally.” 

In the distance, Bucky can hear Sam yell “Yo, Glinda the Good Witch! Next class is coming in!” He howls with laughter while Steve lets out a long, embarrassed sigh. “You’re so dead," his boyfriend grunts.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. [The rap Katya does](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNf4vrihG8A). Also, Katya has a stock Christmas song set to "The Twelve Days of Christmas" but she changed all of the gifts to really ridiculous things like "Ten pounds of ravioli" and "HERPES!" You should listen to it, it's hilarious.
> 
> 2\. I based Bucky and Remy's routine off an actual drag routine by Drag Race alumnus Tatianna, who performed to ["Christmas Tree"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFIBNxyibe0) by Lady GaGa. It's amazing. Imagine she's getting humped by a Bucky all in gold and that's the routine. (Also, yes, that person performing? That's a man. How insane is that tuck?!)
> 
> 3\. Tucking involves a lot of duct tape and prayer, as Remy said. I am personally a cisgendered female but I have friends who do drag. It does NOT look comfortable. 
> 
> [Tumblr](http://marciellaniello.tumblr.com) for questions, comments, concerns, head canons, ETC!

**Author's Note:**

> There will be two chapters, this one is setup. The next chapter will have all of the smut. 
> 
> "Fish" is drag lexicon for "looking like a woman." So if a drag queen is "fishy," she's trying to look as much like a realistic woman as possible. I just find it fun to imagine Remy LeBeau as a fishy queen.
> 
> If you aren't familiar with Katya, go to YouTube and watch her lip sync to the song "Pussy." Your life will be made.


End file.
